Hello Wonderful !

Recently I have been trying my best to stay focused on the positive in my life. It has been going well. It started with coming to terms with some stuff, like on of my best friends wants nothing to do with me. I have known this fact since I was about 3 months pregnant, but I was holding out hope that once Z was born she might change her mind. Z is now almost 3 months old and she still has not called or written (I would call her but she told me to NEVER contact her again) She no longer wants to be my friend because of one phone call when I told her I was pregnant, she got offend about something I said (even though if she was offended that was not my intent) however she through out our 7 year friendship over it. And not only that but told a bunch of mutual friends not to talk to me either, and they don't. So I am coming to terms with this slowly, i just want her to know that if the situation had been reversed, it would have hurt and been hard but I would have been happy for her. So since she unfriended me on facebook (I know very Junior high) I waited 9 months for any of these mutual friends to talk to me and then I unfriended them from my facebook and several other people just so I could start fresh. So far I feel pretty great about this choice I don't have to worry about any of them seeing pictures of baby Z or seeing any comments that they write to each other. Don't worry I still have plenty of friends and I am making more!
At the start of my pregnancy I joined a birth club and now this has turned into a facebook group, its really great a bunch of different women from all over Canada in a similar situation as me. We swap stories and advice and really we have become a little Internet family. I don't post to often (but I read it everyday) but when I do post the support and love I get if amazing. These ladies are very important to me even though I have never met them. They are my new friends!
So that is the first steps I have taken to saying good-bye to all the jerks in my life, and saying hello to all the wonderful people in my life. E has been super sportive as well and helps me see just how awesome I really am.
When I went to get Z his 2 month shots (he was a champ hardly cried at all) I nurse talked to me about PPD and told me its not always to do with the baby. Which was interesting to me because I love Z like nothing else but I have been down in the dumps lately. Just about random stuff. So that is what brought all of this on, so I am trying to stay focused on all the good. I am trying to get out of the house more and see other people and I am trying to turn to the Lord and let him help me get through this little rough patch. Also E and I and Z are all going to visit our family next week! I am so excited to see my parents and E's parents and we will be spending my birthday out of town with Family so that is nice! Maybe someone will watch Z and I can get my hair done!

L

Today is a New Day

So yesterday was obviously a bad day. But After I wrote that post I cried a little bit and then Z woke up and I thought this is it I can just start over right now. So then we enjoyed an afternoon of songs tummy time and a little bit of dancing. Another thing I realized is that Z loves me and he likes playing with me, and he proves it to me everyday with his happy little face.

So today is a new day, and it started off with smiles and I thought I would share my little smile with you!

Have a Great Day!

L

...

Lately I have been feeling really crappy. I am not sure why or what my problem is. I have a beautiful, wonderful, amazing little boy who I love so so so much! However I am having a really hard time shaking this weird feeling of failure, I just feel like I am an awful mom. I have no reason to think this. I feel bad I sometimes find myself hoping that he will go to sleep just so I can have some time for myself. I mean I am his mom shouldn't I want to spend time with him? shouldn't I cherish the time that he is awake and I can play with him? Thats a whole other issue I really have no idea how to play with a 2 month old. I used to sing to him all the time but now hes lucky is I sing him one song. I just feel that Z deserves so much more, a way better mom than me.
I guess today is just a bad day. tomorrow will be better.

L

Z at 2 Months

Z is 2 months old and he can:

• Smile
• Hold his head up
• Roll over
• Stand on his feet if you hold him up
• Breastfeed with out a nipple shield 
• Sleep 8 hours through the night
• Sooth himself 
• Squeal when happy

He Dislikes:

• Tummy Time
• Napping in his crib 
• Getting his diaper changed 
• Bath time most days
• Pooping
• Being alone in a room
• Being up in his carseat

He Likes:

• Eating
• Sleeping
• being Naked after his bath
• Being in his swing
• Being in his bouncy chair
• Laying on his play mat
• Getting bum cream put on
• Being in his Cuddly Wrap
• Driving in the car
• Riding in the stroller

L